In the beginning....
"Stop looking at the ground" and” Look people in the eye when you
talk to them” words I grew up with every day. My parents had good
intentions wanted me to do well in the world. Also back then people had no understanding
of psychological issues related to autism. Myself I don’t like set labels
let’s say I really understand autism. So many aspects to talk about as far as
this blog post I look at eye contact. I have worked hard since adulthood to
work through this issue of eye contact. Just a note not all countries is eye
contact the polite thing to do. It is a western world thing. For family and
very close friends it is much easier. With new people, strangers it can be
difficult. When I started trying to fix this I did everything I could to avoid
eye contact. It is so very uneasy. It makes this difficult. I remember job
interviews I would force myself to look them in the eye. I would get so much anxiety
that I would forget answers to questions I knew. I would some time get red
faced from the tension in my head to do this and I would be asked if it was too
warm in the office where I was interviewing. I have learned tricks to help like
look at them but unfocused my eyes so I don’t see their eyes as well. I wish
people knew how perfectly I hear them without looking them in the eyes. How
much I care without constant eye contact. The most awkward part for me now is
that when I don’t make eye contact with someone new I know what the other
person is thinking. I know what they are wondering about me or our conversation.
That is all for now.
